Things my mother taught me
My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE . 'If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning.' My mother taught me RELIGION . 'You better pray that will come out of the carpet.' My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL . 'If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!' My mother taught me LOGIC . ' Because I said so, that's why.' My mother taught me MORE LOGIC . 'If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me.' My mother taught me FORESIGHT . 'Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident.' My mother taught me IRONY . 'Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about.' My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS . 'Shut your mouth and eat your supper.' My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM . 'Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!' My